So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
