i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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