I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are we still banned from the library?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
