We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
