also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
