people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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