she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
