So drunk its hurt
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
