Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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