I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
