I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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