Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There r osticjed everywhere
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
