i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
