Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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