Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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