you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
