i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
