Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
