i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
