i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
