Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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