I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
be right there i have to get my cape
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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