My liver just broke up with me...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Pooping to opera.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
