Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't think brook has ever known best
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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