I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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