This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
