I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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