I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
