I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize