I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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