Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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