just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
