its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
