$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
