He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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