maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
