I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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