when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
