I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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