I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
