i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
