Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
