I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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