ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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