if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize