mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
