I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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