I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
