Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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