I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
