im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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