Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
