saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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