the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
