you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
