He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
