So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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