Cold hands, warm shart.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
