omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
