I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
