And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
