the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
