Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
