ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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