My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
