If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
