Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
